Providing individual and couples therapy counseling in South Orange and Northern New Jersey
I regard doing therapy as sacred work.
When we therapists help our clients heal from trauma, it has a ripple effect—improving not only their lives, but the lives of their families, their friends, and their communities. In that sense, when we help someone heal from trauma, we change the world.
In the coming year, may we all work toward healing our traumas and healing the world.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2019!
If you or someone you know is having problems in any of the areas mentioned here, please call me at 973-220-9007. We can work toward helping you or someone you know break free!
“Co-dependence is a disease of immaturity, rendering a person unable to experience appropriate levels of self-esteem, unable to set boundaries with other people, unable to own his or her own reality, unable to take care of his or her needs and wants appropriately, and unable to express his or her reality moderately and at the appropriate age level.” (Pia Mellody: Breaking Free, p. 25)
This past Friday I attended a very interesting symposium in NYC. One of the topics was “Infidelity: Why Men and Women Cheat,” by Dr. Kenneth Paul Rosenberg. He has written a new book by that title, which will be available to the general public on May 15th.
In his book, he speaks about the importance of emotional fidelity, perhaps even above sexual fidelity. Emotional fidelity is at the core of every good relationship, especially marriage. He lists (p. 231) some vows of emotional fidelity, which promise to put your relationship first and make it your most precious asset:
Vows of Emotional Fidelity
I promise that….
….you can trust that I will be there for you.
….I will put your first above others. Just after the needs of the children, your welfare will be my priority.
…..I have your back.
….I will create opportunities for you to feel great pleasure and to love.
….You can trust me to know you, that my word and intentions are good.
….I will endeavor, within reason, to mitigate your hardships.
….I dedicate myself to the intention, however imperfectly executed, that nothing will tear us apart, and everything will bring us closer.
Notice that in all these vows of emotional fidelity, you are not asking for or demanding anything.
In every item, you are giving. Too often couples focus on what they are not getting. The irony of love, he says, is that to ensure your happiness, you need to focus on what you are giving, not on what you are getting.
I have been attending a meditation sangha (once or twice a month) for the past several years. In addition to our meditation, we read aloud from a book about meditation. We have been reading from a wonderful book, chock full of wisdom by Lama Surya Das called FINDING THE BUDDHA WITHIN.
Lama Surya Das mentions several ways we can cultivate mindful awareness and bring meditation, calm, and clarity into our daily activities. Here are just a few (p. 71) for you to try:
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Please read some reviews from my past clients and if you feel like we are a match please contact me to schedule an appointment. Let’s get started on your healing journey!
According to Linda Graham (Bouncing Back, 2013), the practice of self-appreciation has been shown to diminish bouts of depression and anxiety. As we take in the love of others and cultivate love for ourselves, we activate the release of oxytocin. This enhances the neural receptivity in the brain that allows us to learn more resilient coping strategies. While self-appreciation helps us recognize and celebrate our strengths, self-compassion helps us recognize our frailties and vulnerabilities. We need self-compassion to answer our harsh inner critics.
Please call me if you want to start to develop more self-appreciation and more self-compassion, important skills for resilience and happiness.
“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other” -Unknown
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia
One of the greatest obstacles to a successful relationship is over-reactivity of one or both partners. Here is a quick tool to help with that:If you have a situation in which you or your partner is over-reacting, think about “dialing down you reactivity.” Perhaps you can picture a dial with a needle and notice what number the needle is on. Connect to the logical part of yourself. See if you can use the power of your imagination to dial the number down, down to the “just right” level to be effective. Or perhaps you are turning a knob that moves the needle down to the optimal range. Focus on your breathing, taking deep, relaxing breaths and allow waves of relaxation to slow your pulse, lower your blood pressure, and move the needle down to the optimal range. The more you practice, the easier it will become!
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I am a psychotherapist trained in a variety of approaches designed to help you reach your personal goals and self-understanding. These include: brief, solution-focused counseling, cognitive-behavioral therapy (Adlerian orientation), and psychodynamic therapy. At times I also use hypnosis or EMDR. I am the founder of Counseling Care Specialties in South Orange, New Jersey.
Using my professional training and experience, I provide an environment in which you can feel comfortable exploring new insights and options. The ability to view yourself and your situation from a broader perspective can lead you to a sense of empowerment and to making positive changes.
We can also work on developing new skills in interpersonal relationships, stress management for mind/body wellness, and healing from emotional pain, both present and past.