Some research has shown that getting several hugs a day will increase your happiness for several weeks. Have you tried it? Does it work?
Tip
Lama Surya Das Meditation
I have been attending a meditation sangha (once or twice a month) for the past several years. In addition to our meditation, we read aloud from a book about meditation. We have been reading from a wonderful book, chock full of wisdom by Lama Surya Das called FINDING THE BUDDHA WITHIN.
Lama Surya Das mentions several ways we can cultivate mindful awareness and bring meditation, calm, and clarity into our daily activities. Here are just a few (p. 71) for you to try:
- Breathe and smile. Relax. Take a moment to let go, and just be. Enjoy it.
- Do standing meditation, while waiting in line for a movie or bus or train. Just stand there, breathe, and awaken.
- Whenever you sit down or stand up, stop and appreciate a moment of change, of freedom.
- Whenever you cross a threshold, go through a doorway, or enter a room, see it as entering a temple and do so reverently.
- Walk barefoot in the grass or on a thick carpet and feel fully each sensation with your toes and soles.
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Please read some reviews from my past clients and if you feel like we are a match please contact me to schedule an appointment. Let’s get started on your healing journey!
Kindness
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia
3 Tips for Living Life to the Fullest
I
n his best-selling book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (And It’s All Small Stuff), Richard Carlson offers 100 suggestions for keeping life in perspective. Here are 3 of my favorites:
1) Choose Being Kind Over Being Right: We are often tempted to “correct people,” to put them down, or to prove that we are right and they are wrong. However, in order to experience equanimity, we should choose kindness over being right most of the time. If we insist on being right, we too often pay the price—our inner peace. When we are kind, we experience positive feelings.
2) Keep Asking Yourself: “What Is Really Important?” Many of us feel lost and overwhelmed in the responsibilities and chaos of our lives. When we are overwhelmed, it is easy to forget about and postpone what is truly dear to our hearts. It is helpful to check in with ourselves periodically and ask: What is really important?” This helps keep us aware that we have choices. It helps us align our actions with our goals and our priorities.
3) Be Open To “What Is.” This is a basic spiritual principle in many philosophies. We experience internal struggle when we want life to be a certain way and then it doesn’t go the way we wanted. Once we accept life the way it is, and embrace the truth of the moment, it will lead us to greater peace of mind and well-being.
To get started on your healing journey setup an appointment with Margie Freeman, LCSW by clicking here or calling her direct line at (973) 432-5115.
Strategies for Successful Marriage
Psychologist John Gottman is a pioneer in researching marriage, studying thousands of couples for over 4 decades! He is renowned for his ability to predict—with 94% accuracy—which couples will stay married and which will divorce, by listening to their recorded conversations.
He has identified what he calls “4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”, 1) criticism, 2) contempt, 3) defensiveness, and 4) stonewalling. If your relationship feels like it is being overwhelmed by negativity, be sure to avoid these 4 behaviors during disagreements if you want your marriage to survive.
Here are some strategies to improve your marriage:
1) Calm down. Recognize when you or your spouse has become flooded (over-emotional) and give yourselves time to calm down before continuing a difficult discussion.
2) Speak non-defensively—both when speaking and when listening. Non-defensive listening doesn’t mean you need to agree with your partner. Just try to understand your partner’s feelings and accept them as legitimate. Empathize with your partner’s emotions and viewpoint, so your partner will feel supported and validated.
3) Choose to have a positive mindset about your spouse. Become the architect of your thoughts, your inner script. Look at the positive qualities of your partner. Learn to think empathically rather than negatively about what your spouse is going through. Once you begin rethinking your marriage, let your partner know what you appreciate. He/she will appreciate your genuine, heartfelt appreciation, even if it seems unnatural at first.
4) Make sure that your day to day interactions include lots of validation and other expressions of respect and affection. Respect is the minimum of love.
If you master these skills during non-crisis times, they will be easier to access when you are in the midst of an argument. As with any new endeavor, learning to argue effectively takes practice—but it is worth it for a healthy, long-term intimate relationship.
Feel free to call me if you need more guidance with your communications.
Improve marriage.
Improve marriage.
Becoming a Conscious Marriage Partner and Parent
People get stuck in parenting where they themselves are stunted psychologically, and the same is true of marriage partners, according to Harville Hendrix (Giving the Love that Heals). Marriage can be healing when both partners restore their own wholeness by stretching to meet each other’s needs. Parenting can be healing when parents stretch to meet the needs of their children at precisely those stages at which their own behavior became incomplete. Both marriage and parenting can be transformational because the healing experiences can change the character of the people involved.
Harville Hendrix refers to “conscious marriage” and “conscious parenting” and offers tools for how parents can grow through parenting their own children. These parenting tools, similar to conscious marriage communication, include intentional dialogue which involves mirroring, validating, and empathizing. He warns that the cycle of wounding will continue until parents undertake to become more conscious in their relationship with each other and with their children.
Please call Counseling Care Specialties at 973-432-5115 to learn more about how to become a conscious marriage partner and a conscious parent.
Do you struggle with procrastination?
“Procrastination is a habit you develop to cope with anxiety about starting or completing a task. It is your attempted solution to cope with tasks that are boring or overwhelming.” Neal Fiore: The Now Habit.
Instead of getting caught in the vicious cycle of getting overwhelmed, feeling pressured, fearing failure, trying harder, working longer, feeling resentful, losing motivation, and then procrastinating, Neal Fiore teaches you how to develop “The Now Habit.” He points out that procrastination is not the cause of our problems in accomplishing tasks. Rather, it is our attempt to resolve our underlying issues, such as low-self-esteem, perfectionism, fear of failure or success, indecisiveness, and an imbalance between work and play.
For a complete program in helping you overcome the underlying issues related to procrastination, I highly recommend this book. It will be even more effective if it is coupled with the guidance of a counselor/coach/therapist. Please call now to learn powerful tools to help you overcome procrastination and learn to enjoy your leisure time free of guilt!
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Feel free to message me directly about your procrastination issues or any issues you are having.
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Make Peace
“A peaceful heart is essential for well-being. The Vietnamese Zen monk Thich Nhat Hahn, a master of reconciliation, often speaks of being peace. As long as we feel the need to defend ourselves, the inner battle will continue. But when we can be peace – drop feelings of “us-versus-them” and live from a place that sees no separation from others – we can make peace with everyone, ourselves included.” -1001 Mediations, Mike George
For many more inspiring quotes, tips, and relationship talk, please visit my Facebook page.
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Please feel free to contact me at 973-220-9007 or by filling out the form below to start a conversation about whether therapy is a good option for you at this time. During our initial conversation we can discuss issues you may be having with a partner or yourself. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
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