Margie Freeman LCSW

Providing individual and couples therapy counseling in South Orange and Northern New Jersey

Self

Mindfulness and the Mind Body Connection

by

Mindfulness Mind Body ConnectionWestern medicine’s skeptical and suspicious view of the mind-body connection is changing, as neuroscience discovers and charts neural pathways that connect thoughts and emotions to physiology.

We have evolved to respond to life-threatening situations with a fight, flight, or freeze response. Our bodies do not necessarily know the difference between true life-threatening experiences and the multitude of  stressors we experience daily, such as feeling overwhelmed at work, being stuck in traffic, worrying about our health, our finances, our children. When the stress hormones (such as cortisol and adrenalin) and neurotransmitters (such as epinephrine and norepinephrine) surge through our bodies, we can become depleted of adrenalin and reduce the effectiveness of our immune system.

There are many studies that have demonstrated that practicing mindfulness causes healthy changes in the brain. Mindfulness offers a way to respond to stressful situations in a way that may serve us better than our current responses to stress.

Take a moment now to notice the connection between what you are thinking and how you are feeling, both emotionally and physically. Notice any connections between your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. The next time you are feeling stressed, see if bringing mindfulness to the situation can open your horizons for you to respond differently.

Every moment that we are awake offers us an opportunity to engage in mindfulness. Even without engaging in a formal meditation practice, we can weave mindfulness throughout our day. This practice allows us to feel more calm and at peace.  (I will share more about how to do this in my next post.) For a more in-depth guidance, I recommend A  Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook by Bob Stahl and Elisha Goldstein.  

Anger and Authenticity

by

Anger-authenticity postPeople often deny their anger at the same time that  they hold on to it. Don’t be afraid to recognize that you’re angry.  Denying your anger fuels hostility, grudges, and the sense of being a victim. It is important for couples to get their issues out into the open, but in a calm and respectful way.

If your partner launches into an angry assault, do your best not to get entangled in the contagion of the anger. It is worth taking a time out. Once you have calmed down, see if you can take the risk of being more honest with each other. Rather than pointing out each other’s imperfections and the differences between you, you can commit to being more honest with each other, hearing each other out, and empathizing with each other. You each need to be authentic and caring with each other, accept each other as you are, with all your differences.

The ideas in this post are based on the work of Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson: TELL ME NO LIES.

Stepping Stones to Greater Experiences

by

Stepping stones-Brian AdamsDifficulties are opportunities to better things; they are stepping stones to greater experience.

Perhaps someday you will be thankful for some temporary failure in a particular direction. When one door closes, another always open; as a natural law it has to balance.
Brian Adams, How to Succeed

Inspiration from Albert Schweitzer

by

albert schweitzerAt times our own light goes out and is rekindled by the spark from another person. Each of us has cause to thank with deep gratitude those who have lighted the flame within us. -Albert Schweitzer

Carl Rogers on Change

by

change_margie freeman The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. -Carl Rogers

Serenity and Learning to Live Well

by

Serenity PrayerDr. Eve Wood (Medicine, Mind, and Miracles) reflects on the fact that we live in a painful and imperfect world. We experience fear, disappointment, abandonment, failure, grief, loss and death. How can we find solace and meaning in such a world?

Life can “turn on a dime.” Just yesterday, my sister’s partner of 20+ years suddenly fell unconscious and is currently in the hospital. They are keeping him unconscious for 3 days to improve his chances of recovery. However, we don’t know if he will ever regain consciousness. There are no guarantees. How, then, can we handle the monumental and sometimes overwhelming task of living “and still keep a song in our heart?”

Dr. Wood concludes that the  way we live our lives is a reflection of how we look at the complexity of life. Do we choose to look for lessons in loss, connection in loneliness, and opportunity in failure? Can we forgive ourselves and others for our limitations? Can we look at ourselves as having been endowed with innate value? Can we appreciate our unique gifts and share them with others?

There is so much wisdom in the “serenity prayer,” composed by Renhold Niebuhr (later adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous):

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference…”

Let us all choose wisely—to embrace life in all its messiness and learn to live well. Let us appreciate each moment and not take life or each other for granted. May we make the most of our lives and contribute to the lives of others and to improving our world.

 

 

The Importance of Fathers

by

important influnce of fathersSince yesterday was Father’s Day, I am  focusing today’s post on the importance of fathers on the well-being of their children.

It is interesting to note that one way that fathers influence their children is indirect—-through the quality of their relationship with the mothers of their children.

Research has shown that fathers who have good relationships with the mothers of their children are more likely to spend time with their children and to have children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier.

When fathers treat the mothers of their children with respect and deal with conflict appropriately, they are more likely to raise boys who understand how to treat women and who are less likely to be aggressive toward females.

Girls raised by respectful and involved fathers are less likely to get involved in violent or unhealthy relationships. In contrast, research has also shown that fathers who display anger and contempt toward their wives or who give their wives the silent treatment are more likely to have children who are anxious, withdrawn, or anti-social.

Children with involved, caring fathers tend to have better educational outcomes as well. They tend to have higher IQ’s, better linguistic capacity, and greater academic achievement.

Children raised by involved fathers are also more likely to be emotionally secure and have better social connections with peers. They tend to be more comfortable in exploring the world and more likely to exhibit self-control.

In summary, fathers have a powerful and potentially positive impact on their children, so don’t underestimate them!

If you want to learn more, you can go to www.fatherhood.org or www.fathers.com.

Happy Belated Father’s Day!

 

The important Influence of Fathers