According to relationship expert, John Gottman, in order for a relationship to be healthy and sustainable, it needs to have a minimum of 5 positive experiences for every negative one; 10 to one for healthy couples and 20 to one for very happy relationships.
Research has also shown that in order to sustain successful relationships, couples must engage in novel, exciting, and inspiring activities together, or they run the risk of experiencing boredom and less relationship satisfaction.
Recent research in neuroscience shows that we have the power to influence our brains, a capacity called neuroplasticity. There is a well-known axiom in neuroscience: “Neurons that fire together wire together.” When you think certain thoughts, it strengthens those circuits in your brain.
The more you think negative thoughts about your partner, the more you strengthen that negative circuit in your brain, which increases the likelihood that you will think those thoughts repeatedly and generate negative feelings. Conversely, the more you think positively about your partner, the stronger that positive circuit becomes, and the greater the likelihood that you will think those positive thoughts again and generate warm and loving feelings toward your partner.
The more couples engage in exciting and fun activities and experience positive emotions, the more likely they are to share additional positive emotions. If couples experience each other as enemies, the negativity bias in the brain prevails, leading the partners to experience each other as negative, or even toxic. Hence, it is extremely important for couples to create positive experiences and feelings with each other in order to sustain satisfying, loving, long-term relationships.