Boundaries are systems you create for setting limits in relationships with others. We all have different wants and needs and require various boundaries for our relationships. Each of us needs to contain ourselves in certain ways so as not to be offensive to others. In turn, we also need to set boundaries to protect ourselves from others.
Boundaries are necessary in relationships. A boundary functions as a filter. You don’t want to have a wall for a boundary, or you cannot have meaningful intimate exchange. If you have no boundaries, you leave yourself open and vulnerable to becoming a victim. Boundaries teach others how you would like to treated in a relationship and otherwise.
Boundaries need to be semi-permeable. They enable you to know and be known by others in a respectful way. Respect is necessary in all relationships, especially intimate ones.
Spatial Boundaries:
You have the right to control how close someone gets to you and whether someone can touch you and/or your personal property. The other person has the same rights.
Sexual Boundaries:
When someone is approaching you sexually, you have the right to decide with whom you want to be sexual and under what circumstances: when, where, how, etc. Others have the same rights if you approach them sexually.
Verbal Communication Boundaries:
When someone is speaking to you, determine whether what the other person is saying is true or not true, possibly true, but you need more information to decide, or a boundary violation. When you speak to someone else, they have the right to decide the same about what you are saying. If what they are saying is a boundary violation, you need to stand up for yourself and call them on it.
Be conscious of how you feel and try to realize when you feel happy or unhappy. Think about the kinds of spatial, sexual, and verbal boundaries you can set to help your relationships thrive. At first, It can be daunting to implement your boundaries, especially if you are not accustomed to setting limits in your relationships.
There are many ways I can help develop the skills and the courage to create boundaries to improve the quality of your life and of your relationships. Please give me a call at 973-220-9007 or e-mail me at [email protected].